I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
