bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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