Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
