Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My vagina is very pro this idea
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
