I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
