The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
