I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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