I think I died a long time ago.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
