Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
