This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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