It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
