I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize