It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
