she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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