then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
