Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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