5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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