Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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