Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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