You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
