Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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