I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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