Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So vagazzling was a success
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
