Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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