I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Randomize
