im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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