if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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