End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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