Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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