I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
