I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
