It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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