I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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