so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
