theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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