we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Text me some of your sweat
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
