dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
