Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
