you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
