His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
