GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
