there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
