Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
