I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
