My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
