True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
