He had one of those small greek statue penises
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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