He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
