birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
