Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
