she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
