see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
