Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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