I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
