Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
