does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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