They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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