I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
