dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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