The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
