the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
