do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
