Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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