hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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