he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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