We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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