I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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