I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
