Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
